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Stop Beating Yourself Up Once And For All

Hello Beautiful Goddess, I’ve missed writing to you and hearing from you. I haven’t been online as much because I’ve been conducting some in-person events. A month ago, I had a talk about "Healing Your Mother and Father Wound" at a book store here in Atlanta. 30 people showed up, it was amazing. Right now, I’m in the midst of teaching a weekly in-person Radical Forgiveness Class. Recently, I began craving sisterhood so I chose to host my first Goddess Circle in 7 months. I was super excited to reconnect with my community. Yet, my excitement didn’t stop me from F’ing up BIG time! As soon as I entered the event space to set up the room, I received an email from someone who R.S.V.P'd. The email said there were 2 conflicting times on different on two Meetup pages. I whipped out my phone, logged into one of the Meetup pages and the time was incorrect. I had accidentally scheduled the event for two hours later than the actual start time. The worst part was that I had 19 women R.S.V.P for the circle that I'd posted incorrectly. To make it even worse there were several comments posted about how excited they were to attend. My heart dropped into my stomach and a familiar negative voice started to speak. My old thoughts of you’re so stupid, you’re an idiot came rushing to my mind. It took a lot of inner strength not to speak those words into existence.

Why is self-abuse most of our first reaction when we F up or make a mistake? If I had called you on the phone, in the midst of my breakdown what would you have said to me? I’m guessing you would’ve said “Essence, it’s ok, everyone makes mistakes. Don’t be too hard on yourself”.

Why is it that we show our friends, loved ones, even strangers more compassion than we give ourselves? Think about it, if you knocked over a glass of juice you'd probably say “I’m so clumsy, I’m always spilling things” If your friend knocked over the glass you’d say “That’s ok, accidents happen, I’ll get a paper towel.

Again, think about it, why is it more natural to be kinder and more compassionate to others than we are to ourselves? It’s time that we give ourselves a break and begin practicing self-compassion.

Let’s start with a definition of self-compassion. Self-compassion: Is giving yourself the same level of kindness, understanding, and support that you'd give to a friend or a loved one. Here are a few examples to help you re-wire your brain for self-compassion: >> When you didn’t get the promotion or the recognition you were hoping for. “It’s ok, you did your best. I now know the areas I need to improve in. I’ll get it next time.” >> When the relationship ends.

“Sometimes relationships don’t work out. It’s ok to be sad. I know my soulmate is out there.” >> When you fail or make a mistake.

“I’m human and we all make mistakes. I’ll learn from this and keep moving forward. This was a great learning experience.” >> When you’re judging yourself or your body.

“I’m perfectly imperfect. I am more than my body. I’m lovable just the way I am.” Next Steps... Moving forward, before you beat yourself up, stop and ask yourself “what would I say to a friend in this exact position?” Then say it out loud to yourself. This is how the journey of self-compassion begins. What's your struggle with negative self-talk? No judgment! We all struggle with this. Hit reply and let me know Here’s to Living a Beautiful, Happy Life, XO XO Essence

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